You lose!! Good day sir!!

 And our winner of the day!!!

  Calling all the way in from beautiful Hawaii is........Roland!!

 Yes, this idiot called and claimed to be with US homeland security and demanded that I give him the corporate phone number for the ISP that we support there.

 Me: Sure thing sir....I'll get right on it....Hold please.... *Browses for a yummy halibut recipe*  MMmmm....Yummy....*forwards same to personal e-mail*....5 minutes pass.....

 * Looks over at phone*    Hmmm..... Crackpot is still on hold......*Hits disconnect*

  Rule 1: Be polite when you call me

.

Rule 2: Don't lie... I can tell when you're lying.

Rule 3: Don't demand.

 Rule 4: Don't be a dick or whiny in general.

  Look buddy. If you really worked with US homeland security why the hell would you be calling an ISP tech support line for a phone number?    Fail 1

  Secondly, you stayed on hold for 5 minutes.  Fail 2

Thirdly......Meh.....You're just a friggin' moron...I felt sorry for my co-worker that had to take your return call.  Fail 3.

Fourthly. Upon your return call you failed yet again.   Fail 4

The stupid is strong with this one......Fear Roland......You will become retarded through osmosis.

PS:  Dear Roland...They've got a great deal on tinfoil over at Walmart.

Just in case you need to make a new hat.

The birds have nested in my e-bike

  As I wake in the morning and make some yummy coffee, I look outside my kitchen window a notice some finches....Two to be exact...Sitting on my e-bike. One has a big bunch of "nest making gear" in his beak. The two of them proceed to hop inside the dash part of my bike with the gear. They linger and then depart without taking their stuff with them.  Hmmmmmm...

 Yeah, they were trying to build a nest in the dash of my bike

Update: Relocated nest about 4 feet away in the tree....

Way to go Sony.....

 2,000 Sony Ericsson Canada customers hit by online breach.

 

Yet again...Wow!!...I rate this at "double f**k with a scoop of ice cream on it".

No contact to customers...Yeah, nice move. It's the old "Meh, we'll just ignore it & it SHOULD go away" tactic.

Again, a note to the wise out there. Keep your stuff secure because these idiots are rather lazy.

   * Cough....cough.....S*ny....Douchebag...Cough *

http://toronto.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20110525/sony-ericsson-canada-customers-hit-by-online-breach-110525/20110525/?hub=TorontoNewHome


Update: BMG Greece got thumped also

http://www.tomsguide.com/us/Sony-BMG-Greece-Hacked-User-Data-Published,news-11289.html

Apple Acknowledges MacDefender

 Well about bloody time.  Denial isn't a river in Egypt.

If you are running a Mac system, please get your updates.  

Your system can be compromised. Click the linky for the interesting article.

https://threatpost.com/en_us/blogs/apple-plans-update-address-macdefender-malware-052511 

 And as always....Have a nice day  :D

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT4650 

Yeah....I'll get right on that...

 If you call in to my support desk for help.....

  A quick nugget of wisdom for you....

  Don't spend 4 minutes whining like a school girl with a skinned knee about "how shitty the speed is & blah, blah, blah".....

  Next.

   Don't tell me to make sure "my" attorneys are ready for a class action suit because of the same.

   My tech support takes care of the internal network. That's all.

  The outside "pipe" is taken care of by an ISP (look it up).

  Yes.   The storms in your area that are causing a power outage MAY just have something to do with it.

    This one goes out to the douchebag university whiner in Maryland.  

  PS:  I can kill your account in a keystroke..... Ban your MAC addresses...You name it.

  Even though you spent 3 minutes threatening me with a lawsuit....

  ...........Sigh........Me thinks Darwin will take care of this one.

One word.....Faaaaaawwkkkk

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-13343600


Microsoft confirms takeover of Skype....

Great.                    Just great.

 I can hardly wait for them to fubar something that works just fine.  Although, I must admit that it's better than having facebook buy Skype.  

  Which is worse?  Death by impalement or death by disembowelment ?

 I guess we shall soon see.....  Sigh.....

Simple tip.....

 If you have to call into tech support & they ask "what OS are you running?".

 If it's a Windows based machine all you need to do is hold down the windows key....Bottom left....

 And then tap.....one time.....the pause/break key....Should be top rightish dependiing on your keyboard layout.

Mac users...Durrr....Click the little apple...Top left...About my "over priced machine".

  Need more help?  Try this link  :D

                   http://www.chasms.com/

                    Copy & paste the link

 Tons of info there...................Knowledge is power.

Connection issues?

So you can't connect to the internet?

  Before you call......

 Power cycle you "stuff".

 That means unplug your modem & restart....Then your router & restart.....And then restart your computer.

In that order.  You have to "reconnect" from the outside in.

Next.... As of late, the firewall built into your OS ( operating system ) is pretty good at taking care of your firewall.

 If you recently installed a new anti virus utility on your computer, it generally has a firewall protocol tha tries to protect you.

 Sadly, having 2 firewalls screwing with each other is bad.   Solution.    Disable the antivirus firewall please.

  Do this before you call me.       :D


Of course ensure your OS firewall is enabled....Also get your updates!!!

            Install your updates!!!!



Because just one exclamation point makes it better.

All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten

 Sigh....

Sadly,  most people with computer issues don't follow the basic rules of life.

Hell, not even the rules from kindergarten.

These are the things I learned:
 
Share everything.
 
Play fair.
 
Don't hit people.
  
Clean up your own mess.
 
Don't take things that aren't yours.
 
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
 
Wash your hands before you eat.
 
Flush.
 
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
 
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
 
Take a nap every afternoon.
 
When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
 
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
 
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

May I also add,

 Take your place in line. No barging in front because you think your "problem" is waaaaaaayyyyy more important.

 Unless you are on fire or happen to have transplant organs on ice in a cooler, guess what, back of the line.

 Also a quick review on the rules.... LOOK!!!

  Read the stuff on your screen....FIRST......BEFORE YOU CALL IN!!

A wee bit of knowledge is a powerful thing.

 Life is short......Don't be lazy......Try to learn something new every day  :D

How long after you leave a hotel can you call tech support?

  Pop quiz time boys & girls!!!! It's multiple choice so don't worry.

  The question of the day is....

How long after you leave a hotel can you call tech support?

A: Up to 2  weeks after checking out.

B: Once you leave, the relationship is over.

C: Forever! We are now linked together in what I refer to as a "death spiral" till the end of time as we know it.

Pencils down!!!

 Sadly, if you picked anything other than "B"....You fail.

 Much like my last caller of the day....*Sigh*.....A Mac user......*Double sigh*

To make a long story short....Mehh....There is no short....

Customer calls in due to not being able to get an IP assigned after staying at a hotel that we provide support for......10 days after they checked out.

Hmmm.... Me thinks you should be contacting the support people for the network you are trying to connect to NOW. Not the ones you had played with before. Support for you ended the second the door hit you on the ass.  Do not pass go...Do not collect jack squat...Call Apple support or go down to the shiny store & talk to the smarty pants people there.

 Better yet.....Don't call me.... I prefer that final option.


And.....breathe.......That & crack a nice cold Sleemans honey brown lager

They should really make people get "computer licenses".

 I'll bet you $50 that you can probably tell someone the make & model of your car....

 Not that hard because you've used it for a few years normally.

So, why is it nigh impossible for people to know what operating system they are running?

 You use the same fargin' computer EVERY day.  It turns on....It even says "Windows....." with that stinkin' splash screen every time.

 Note to the wise or soon to be wise. Please ensure you have a few tiny nuggets of information handy BEFORE you call in to tech support.

 PC or MAC or Iphone or Ipad...

 Specific OS (operating system). If it's a PC, hold the "window" key down & tap pause break....Voila

 Mac...Click the little apple ...top left...Then click "about this mac"....Voila again

  Another bone I have to pick is......LEARN HOW YOUR DEVICE CONNECTS WIRELESSLY!!

              Please.        Seriously        Little cool wireless icon     Looks like radar or a radio signal

Here's a funky little guide/how to for just about every OS/device out there

http://www.chasms.com/

 I thank you all for enduring my whining.... You may now carry on.

Cheers :D

Warming up for tomorrow...

 I just figured I should have a bit of practice before work.....Always smart to be warmed up beforehand.

Sorry about not blogging...

 My apologies to all....

 I was "laid off" from that job back in October...It seems that the "head tech"  had a nephew that moved to town & and needed a job. Sadly, nepotism ruled that day.

  So,  I have been trying my hardest to get employed & have found a better paying & less annoying job.

Took long enough.....

 Funny thing is, my old "shop" is looking for a new hire in the same job.....Hmmm....Did nepotism boy fail?

 Meh.....Who cares?

So.  Now I can get back to blogging some funny stuff......

Tune in tomorrow when.....


 :D

Mr. Lahey on student voting.....